I really need a chill pill,

I'm actually feeling quite ill,

Insomnia stopped by Advil??

Nope, the ease just wont kill.

I cant seem to close them,

My eyes have been condemned,

To remain wide past the P.M,

I'm only graced with tears pouring from them.

Sick of all the stress,

I can feel my conscious press,

Its demanding the truth and no less,

What shocking news you all will digest.

just remember.

Holding onto frayed rope

Tied loosely, there goes hope.

Feel uptight and roughened up,

Lying dormant; nervous I’ll erupt.

Quick! Twist the cord,

Life is always fun abroad.

The rope is weak,

Love I’ll always seek.

Don’t forget me,

Or ties will break surely.

ONE WORD

EVIL!

Your face is covered my Ashen lady

An army of smoke is smeared over your body

It moves along you, across every aspect

Your light still shines but no shape will emerge

Your face is covered my Ashen lady

You cannot open my eyes

I know you are up there

Because your frosty glow warms me

I can sense your presence but still remain blind my lady,

make the darkness go away.

I want to see you, facing me with your ancient stare.

(this of course was written on an evening that was bright, very bright indeed)

I felt happy.

she's awesome....she can make you feel so good about yourself in a matter of 3 seconds splurging out words that probably dont make sense to the normal faculty... she laughs and laughs and laughs at things that would never appear funny but instantly are 'coz she found some way of looking at it which would make you lose all sense of logic and join in with her sweet hysteria...she cares but at the same time knows when to just forget she's nice and go ape on you...though i dont think there has ever been a moment where she lost it with me...we just click!

She does get sad but never think she'll abandon you for her own matters because its you first always!!!its impossible not to defend her if someone thinks she's a lil kooky...dammit...she has every right to be...considering her options of being a moron or a nerd(though i have nothing against these people they still are annoying to be around)

she gets sleepy and starts mumbling the weirdest things...she gets hungry...ALOT and its so cute to see her fight for food....she wants a bloody dog and gets moody about it when she refused one...

she's faithful,loyal,honest,joyful and again freakin hungry

i love her

she's my best friend

SMELL FUNNY???

lets start off this thing with something weird about me...happy new year now read!!!!!!!!

Ever thought you had a talent that no one else had?
lets just say my nose is gifted with the overly tuned sense of smell...and i hate it...ask Inez...i really cant bare some smells...i wish i could remove this all together because funnily enough it comes to a point where i can identify a type of person be it mother or boy...by the getting a whiff of their pee...yup VERY gross...but also very true!!!its as if I'm a blood hound searching for some asparagus!!!!!!!!!!!GAH
I know though that if i lost my sense of smell...i would be very sad...because call it cliche i love the smell of roses...red in particular(because ostensibly a colour goes with smell of course)the darker the better, give one a sniff and see if the sweetness climbs up your nose(sniff it more intensely this time) and see if a tingle between the eyes occurs for wonderful little chemicals rush up your nose...as if setting yourself ablaze and filling your head with happiness. roses are adored on my part for that.
oh yes and rain, one could never forget rain, how it unleashes the fragrance of the earth as it falls upon the ground. its heavy on the nose and makes you close you eyes to take it in...somewhere in all of that you can feel the vapour carry the scent of vegetation being watered and its hot, hot because the steam off the earth is wafting in up there and its sandy, you can almost feel the grains fly up your nose... rain in Africa makes me remember we're all warm with energy...i wonder what cold rain feels like??? =)

one must never forget the smell of food,be it bubblegum or a roast or even some fridge pizza...every time you smell food, yes your instincts kick in...IT'S TIME TO FEED!
your mouth waters as it should and it pleads for the nose to carry one, one sniff, two sniff, three sniff MORE! do you know you actually are breathing some of that food in...ah how amazing smell is!

even with the foul smells of this world, the ones that damage us and send us cringing; hurt us by just existing and make us wish we hadn't ventured so far...remember...there is always a silver lining and I'm happy i have such a lovely ability of enhancing such pleasant things...get in tune with them...yes happy i am, happy indeed!

sister gone and parents away....Ive been left alone before, but the sudden realisation that this is what adulthood had in store...i crumbled, sobbing by the computer at my empty home...not to mention terrified,yup definitely considering living in a shack(ONE ROOM THAT'S IT) that way i can see/hear/smell/touch everything, so instead of throwing a mad house party like any 18 would...i confined myself to locking myself up in my room with dogs,water, chocolate sauce and a collection of weapons ranging from knives,bug spray,dozens and dozens of pairs of scissors scattered under pillows,bed side table,shelf,in cupboard, and even stooping down to a squash racket and whistle...i had the bed,i had the computer,supplies were very good indeed!temperature could vary if i turned the fan on or pulled up the blankets...i was fine....remaining in MY room for a week,only leaving during the day when staff were about! stop thinking I'm a wussie....STOP...its perfectly normal for any child to over react...i had to fend for myself...against the perils of my own abode...there are freaky things out there you know, jeez my guard killed a snake just outside my front door,now imagine me wondering about, a definite or the slight possible target to a black as pitch ruthless reptile(i wont be taking any chances)...and the insects, as if the Pharaoh of my dwelling had disobeyed god and appearing by the hundreds a plague of crickets and beetles swarm about; chirping nonchalantly in hidden location(such as inside the shower drain,which surprisingly holds an echo threshold...aaaah the sound shall never be associated with tranquility AGAIN)....then the creaks and squeaks, bumps and grinds of the roof and walls....certainly playing tricks on me as i cower behind corners with a knife in a vice like grip...jumping out and wondering if the fiend is in fact behind me all along,like an evil clown goofing about before he strikes....it wasn't pleasant...no not at all!

but mommy and daddy came back...yay for me for they spoiled me because of my dreadful time....yes...i know...how manipulative...but grateful nonetheless for the thought they put into it,i got a lovely shirt, 2 pairs of trousers a very large pen with BEN10 on it(oh the primary kids at school will be so jealous) and this book called strange Emily or something....its a lovely dark kids book....i appreciate the thought my parents put into it very much!

otherwise got my ears pierced on the art trip i went on to Kenya...first time out of the country on my own...again another step into adulthood...its all dawning on me very quickly...being 18 now makes me wonder where my inner kid has gone...all my friends are younger(even if by 2 days-talking about you Inez)and the other day one of them(13)told me i sound like their mother now...what the hell...i haven't changed....grrr and if deema reads this....my hips do click and crack...but for goodness sack....yours do too....hahahahahahaha

right I'm off...reading a novel to help me study for English on tuesday!!!nervous...uh...yes...
but good options for uni in 2012....but that's for another time
xxx